Embrace dating: Let’s be honest: it is extremely rare to end up with the first person you were in a relationship with. You are going to experience the talking, dating, and commitment stages at some point in your life. Think of all the guys you had a crush on or were in a relationship with. Then, think about why the relationship did not work out. For example, do you remember having a crush on a cute guy as a teenager, but he never asked you out? Have you ever wondered why nothing came about? Did you never express interest? Did your shyness come off as a lack of interest? He might have assumed that a cute girl like you was taken. What would you do differently now if you were interested in a new guy? You could tell him that you are single and interested in pursuing something further. It can be scary to tell a guy how you feel, but at least you did the right thing by not leaving yourself with ‘what ifs.’ Here’s another example: do you remember having that loving relationship that only lasted a little over a year? Why did it end? Was it due to a lack of communication on his part? A failure to commit to the relationship? Was the long distance too difficult for both of you? The point is, if you did something wrong in the last relationship, can you see yourself doing something right in the next one? If your last relationship ended for whatever reasons he had, then don’t stress over whether you will lose the next one. Keep in mind that the right person for you won’t let factors beyond control be the reason for the relationship to end.
The opinions of loved ones fairly matter: Let me use myself as an example. I dated several people before getting together with my husband, and my dad did not like any of the guys I was in a relationship with. He did not think they were good enough for me, and I have wondered if my father believes that no one will ever be good enough for me. While I appreciate how much he values me, it also caused me to date less because his rejections affected me. I wish I had not let the fear of rejection make me feel limited. When my father met my husband, he instantly liked him, which was rare. I was amazed that my father was quick to accept him because he is generally picky about people. Then I remembered how my father once told me that he wanted me to be with someone who could give me more than he could offer. My husband is that person.
Go at your own pace: Dating can be overwhelming at times, so do not feel like you have to speed up because the other person is pressuring you to change your timeline. Respect is an important key in a relationship. Also, if you feel the need to date because some of your friends are in relationships and you feel left out, that should not be a reason to start dating. Your friend’s timeline is not your timeline. If you feel left out, communicate your feelings of loneliness to your friends, or find other friends who are or have been in the same situation as you. One more thing: do not let society determine when you should date. This pressure can come from family, friends, co-workers, and the media. These people do not know the future, so what credibility do they have when it comes to writing your love story? If someone is pressuring you to start dating, be honest about your timeline and/or distance yourself from anyone giving you unnecessary pressure.
Beyond the Surface: I can relate to this—I’m sure that all of us have been through a phase where we were drawn to the ‘bad boy’ image. When I was a kid, I remember all the girls camping out at the movie premieres for ‘Twilight,’ finding Edward Cullen and Jacob attractive while overlooking how they treated Bella. Bella wasn’t a saint either, as this reinforced a toxic idea: that you should keep chasing after someone who emotionally abuses you because it is your fault. In a way, both of these men wanted Bella as a prize and sought to control her decisions. No matter how good-looking someone is, your worth should not be diminished for anyone. I understand the appeal, but someone’s appearance is not going to build a healthy relationship. While I know this can be a teenage experience, it can still carry over into adulthood. Sometimes we end up compromising our values for an incredibly attractive person who does not share the same beliefs. Chasing after an attractive man who won’t give you the time of day unless you devote all your time to him can be problematic. Some men are still immature boys who use their looks to their advantage. Attraction is a double-edged sword, so do not treat it like a toy.
Don’t make it official until you’re ready: Have you talked about whether you are religiously and politically compatible? If so, that’s great! Are you open to making a deep, meaningful connection that goes beyond looks and ideal qualities? If yes, then you are heading in the right direction! Do you understand that he has flaws just like you? Are you able to balance your wants with the opinions of your family and friends? Do you not feel pressured to date anyone, especially by yourself? If you answered yes to the last three questions, then go out there and find your mate. If a guy is willing to open up about all these topics, it shows that he is honest about his intentions. This is your sign to take a risk and choose your mate!
